I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to tell people I'm pregnant. I am at the point in my pregnancy where those who know me see a very obvious bump, but those who don't just assume I'm fat.
The big reveal is awkward, no matter how many times I've done it, and I find that I'm telling more people than really need to know because I have an overwhelming urge to explain that I don't normally function at such a low level. For example, the barista at the coffee shop where I stopped today to get an iced tea didn't need to know that I'm pregnant, but how else can I explain that it takes me several minutes now to count out the money for my beverage because in the last 3 months my brain has turned into absolute sludge? Or, when I'm out of breath walking Daisy Dog when we used to run the same route with ease, I want to yell to people that I'm not some overweight slob that never makes it off the couch.
Last week I got to make the big reveal to my new principal. It went surprisingly well but I can't help feeling like I showed up as damaged goods. There is simply no way that I can do my job to the same caliber that I did last year.
Today was only official paid day off setup and prep before the students come tomorrow. I discovered today that I have turned into a weakling. Lifting stuff is so much more difficult than before. I'm hoping that this is because I have been more sedentary than normal, and it will improve if I follow through with exercising more. I also was completely wiped out by about noon today and had difficulty staying awake at my desk.
The biggest change is in my attitude. My job used to be my life and I was willing to take home a crap-ton of work. My students were my priority. Not anymore. That is now so far down on my to-do list and I am totally focused on becoming a mom and getting things done at home.
I am starting to be concerned... Will I be a sucky teacher this year?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Back to Work
Ug. Its 4:30 am and I just had a dream about a co-worker lecturing about chemosynthesis while I stuffed my face full of disgusting cafeteria food. While the dreams have gotten weirder and more vivid thanks to those prego hormones, the weird work related dreams are pretty typical of this time of year.
Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.
My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?
The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.
The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.
The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.
Ug!
Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.
My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?
The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.
The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.
The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.
Ug!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Deciding TTC: Tossing Out The 5-Year Plan
Now that I'm out about my pregnancy, I feel an overwhelming urge to get everything that has happened so far recorded. So, I guess I should start at the beginning, the very beginning. I wish I could say that we came to the conclusion that we should start TTC for a better reason, but in all honesty, we decided to start because I got laid off. I know, seems like a great time to make a baby, right?!?! Not sure why, but it made sense at the time.
Pink slip season was upon us and my school district was broke, so I was expecting to get a pink-slip, but I wasn't at all worried. I'd gotten a pink slip the year before, and basically all it said was that I may get laid off, but really, they didn't think it would actually happen. There were several versions of the pink slip, and I'd gotten the "good pink slip". Yes, thats what they called it. That was what I was expecting this year.
On March 13th, the doorbell rang and a very unenthusiastic postal worker greeted DF. The state requires that all California teachers be notified of any potential layoff for the folllowing year by no later than March 15th, but they traditionally come the Saturday before via certified mail. By 9:30 am, she'd already delivered several, mostly to teachers who had no idea they were coming.
I opened mine, and to my shock, the pinkslip read "WE WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR SERVICES NEXT YEAR." I guessed this was the "bad pink slip".
I panicked. This was beyond bad. California was laying off over 20,000 teachers, and I was one of them. Because of the massive number of laid off teachers in the area, it was highly unlikely that I'd be teaching next year. No one would be hiring. To make matters worse, umeployment was well over 10% in our area, meaning that even looking for a non-teaching position would likely not land me a job either. The worst part was that this was the first job that I actually enjoyed, and I had no idea what it would be like to be anything other than a teacher.
DF, the fantastic man that he is, calmed me down by helping me crunch numbers, and figure out how much I'd make on unemployment. He calculated and explained that we'd be just fine if we started cutting back on some of our expenses.
We'd also been talking about having a baby for a long time. In fact, we were nearing the end of a 5-year-plan that started soon after we started dating. We knew we were serious, and started talking marriage and babies very early on. Me, I would have just said we should get married and start making babies and figure out the rest later, but DF's a planner. According to him, we had a lot to do: getting my teaching credential, securing a job in the area, paying off our massive credit card debt, and getting married.
We were in year 4 of the 5 year plan, which was the engagement/wedding phase. Year 5, the 2010/2011 school year, was working/saving as much as we could while TTC. After completion of the 5-year-plan, I'd be a SAHM for the next year or two, before returning to my job as a teacher.
DF suggested, that since I wouldn't be working, maybe we'd ammend the 5-year-plan and start TTC a little early. It somehow made sense at the time, and I knew I could continue to look for work while TTC, and according to everything I'd been reading and hearing from friends, it takes awhile to actually get pregnant, so the new plan sounded good, but not too scary.
I'd ordered my birth control from Kaiser several days before. In the 10 years that I have been on the pill, and in the countless years that I have been having all my prescriptions mailed to the house, this is the only one that has ever not shown up. No more birth control... maybe it was a sign.
Time to make a baby.
Pink slip season was upon us and my school district was broke, so I was expecting to get a pink-slip, but I wasn't at all worried. I'd gotten a pink slip the year before, and basically all it said was that I may get laid off, but really, they didn't think it would actually happen. There were several versions of the pink slip, and I'd gotten the "good pink slip". Yes, thats what they called it. That was what I was expecting this year.
On March 13th, the doorbell rang and a very unenthusiastic postal worker greeted DF. The state requires that all California teachers be notified of any potential layoff for the folllowing year by no later than March 15th, but they traditionally come the Saturday before via certified mail. By 9:30 am, she'd already delivered several, mostly to teachers who had no idea they were coming.
I opened mine, and to my shock, the pinkslip read "WE WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR SERVICES NEXT YEAR." I guessed this was the "bad pink slip".
I panicked. This was beyond bad. California was laying off over 20,000 teachers, and I was one of them. Because of the massive number of laid off teachers in the area, it was highly unlikely that I'd be teaching next year. No one would be hiring. To make matters worse, umeployment was well over 10% in our area, meaning that even looking for a non-teaching position would likely not land me a job either. The worst part was that this was the first job that I actually enjoyed, and I had no idea what it would be like to be anything other than a teacher.
DF, the fantastic man that he is, calmed me down by helping me crunch numbers, and figure out how much I'd make on unemployment. He calculated and explained that we'd be just fine if we started cutting back on some of our expenses.
We'd also been talking about having a baby for a long time. In fact, we were nearing the end of a 5-year-plan that started soon after we started dating. We knew we were serious, and started talking marriage and babies very early on. Me, I would have just said we should get married and start making babies and figure out the rest later, but DF's a planner. According to him, we had a lot to do: getting my teaching credential, securing a job in the area, paying off our massive credit card debt, and getting married.
We were in year 4 of the 5 year plan, which was the engagement/wedding phase. Year 5, the 2010/2011 school year, was working/saving as much as we could while TTC. After completion of the 5-year-plan, I'd be a SAHM for the next year or two, before returning to my job as a teacher.
DF suggested, that since I wouldn't be working, maybe we'd ammend the 5-year-plan and start TTC a little early. It somehow made sense at the time, and I knew I could continue to look for work while TTC, and according to everything I'd been reading and hearing from friends, it takes awhile to actually get pregnant, so the new plan sounded good, but not too scary.
I'd ordered my birth control from Kaiser several days before. In the 10 years that I have been on the pill, and in the countless years that I have been having all my prescriptions mailed to the house, this is the only one that has ever not shown up. No more birth control... maybe it was a sign.
Time to make a baby.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Our Wedding Invitation
Here is our wedding invitation, sent out via email yesterday evening. Please note, names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent (ie. me). After all, I am a teacher, and no doubt I will say something on this blog that will get me fired if my true identity is revealed. Oh... I feel like batman.
Hi All,
In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.
We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.
1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4
2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.
3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.
The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.
I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.
We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.
Peace out,
Chubby Teacher... oh, and DF
PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?
For some reason, I haven't gotten any response yet, aside from my sister who said she thought it was "The best wedding invitation ever!". Still, maybe I should be a little more serious about things. Nah!
Hi All,
In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.
We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.
1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4
2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.
3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.
The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.
I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.
We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.
Peace out,
Chubby Teacher... oh, and DF
PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?
For some reason, I haven't gotten any response yet, aside from my sister who said she thought it was "The best wedding invitation ever!". Still, maybe I should be a little more serious about things. Nah!
Monday, July 5, 2010
12 Weeks and Counting
I'm now 12 weeks pregnant... just 28 more, or 195 days to go. Hmmm. Thats a long way to go. I was thinking this week would mark the end of my first trimester, which I have been so looking forward to, but it looks like I won't officially be done until the end of week 13.
I'm ready for the nausea to go away. I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke. So far, still no vomit. Just that terrible feeling.
I'm starting to take belly pictures. I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making. Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs. I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do. And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks. I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it.
I'm ready for the nausea to go away. I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke. So far, still no vomit. Just that terrible feeling.
According to TheBump, the baby is now the size of a plum. This plum is just starting to make my already chubby belly pouch a little more. The bloat started early on, but now I'm having more than a little trouble buttoning my pants. It doesn't help that I have always tried to mimic sausage by squeezing into the smaller size when given the choice between 2. Thankfully, my first pair of maternity pants arrived the night before last via UPS. I bought them because they were regularly $29 , on sale for $18.99 at Old Navy. I don't want to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, so I snagged them right away, and it looks like I am going to need them sooner rather than later. And I'll be investing in a Bella Band soon as well.
My growing tummy is starting to get uncomfortable. It feels tight, and I can nolonger sleep on my stomach, which is why I'm working on this post at 5 am on a Sunday. I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in. Luckily, by about 9 pm I've been so wiped out that falling asleep hasn't been a problem. However, its been weeks since I made it a whole night without having to pee. Falling back to sleep has been a major problem.
On a plus side, for now at least, my boobs aren't in constant pain. I have been dreading hugs and avoiding my pouncing pets wishing I could wear armor. DF grabbed them last night, as he is doing more and more as they get bigger and bigger, and I didn't cry out in pain. BTW, why does he act like I'm faking when I tell him they hurt?!?!
I'm starting to take belly pictures. I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making. Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs. I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do. And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks. I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it.
While we have had some thrilling experiences so far (first and second ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, seeing baby move on the ultrasound), I'm ready to move on. I want to feel the baby move and find out what kind we are having so I cant start buying fun stuff. The waiting is driving me nuts, but there is alot more waiting to come.
One final thought... aside from a few select people, we are not revealing our top baby names. I'm going to name my baby whatever I want, and I have gotten more than enough unsolicited feedback on the names we are thinking about. So I have developed a new standard response. When someone asks what we will name the baby, I simply say, "Carlos".
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Chubby Bride ~ We have a date!
Its official. On September 3rd, DF will be getting an upgrade to DH.
We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.
There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.
Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.
So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:
We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.
There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.
Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.
So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:
- Schedule the wedding
- Buy my wedding band
- Buy his wedding band
- Get our marriage license (The great thing about city hall is that we can do that the day of!)
- Sent out evites
- Get something to wear to wedding
- Get something to wear for party
- Plan our post wedding party
- Finish landscaping backyard so it doesn't look like a weed garden at said party
Hmm, I think that might be all, but in all honesty, I have no idea. The list will grow as we get closer, but I have the essentials (ie. me getting two new outfits and a new piece of jewelery)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Baby, Baby, Baby!
I have a little teeny, tiny secret. In fact, yesterday, it was only 5.22 cm. But something so tiny is going to change our lives forever. I am beyond excited, and have been bursting to tell everyone... we're having a baby!
While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.
The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.
Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.
Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.
So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!
While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.
The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.
Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.
Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.
So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!
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