I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to tell people I'm pregnant. I am at the point in my pregnancy where those who know me see a very obvious bump, but those who don't just assume I'm fat.
The big reveal is awkward, no matter how many times I've done it, and I find that I'm telling more people than really need to know because I have an overwhelming urge to explain that I don't normally function at such a low level. For example, the barista at the coffee shop where I stopped today to get an iced tea didn't need to know that I'm pregnant, but how else can I explain that it takes me several minutes now to count out the money for my beverage because in the last 3 months my brain has turned into absolute sludge? Or, when I'm out of breath walking Daisy Dog when we used to run the same route with ease, I want to yell to people that I'm not some overweight slob that never makes it off the couch.
Last week I got to make the big reveal to my new principal. It went surprisingly well but I can't help feeling like I showed up as damaged goods. There is simply no way that I can do my job to the same caliber that I did last year.
Today was only official paid day off setup and prep before the students come tomorrow. I discovered today that I have turned into a weakling. Lifting stuff is so much more difficult than before. I'm hoping that this is because I have been more sedentary than normal, and it will improve if I follow through with exercising more. I also was completely wiped out by about noon today and had difficulty staying awake at my desk.
The biggest change is in my attitude. My job used to be my life and I was willing to take home a crap-ton of work. My students were my priority. Not anymore. That is now so far down on my to-do list and I am totally focused on becoming a mom and getting things done at home.
I am starting to be concerned... Will I be a sucky teacher this year?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Back to Work
Ug. Its 4:30 am and I just had a dream about a co-worker lecturing about chemosynthesis while I stuffed my face full of disgusting cafeteria food. While the dreams have gotten weirder and more vivid thanks to those prego hormones, the weird work related dreams are pretty typical of this time of year.
Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.
My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?
The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.
The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.
The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.
Ug!
Yes, that's right! Back to school. I know its early... My district is wierd. And yes, I did get laid off, and knocked up, but I was offered another position in the same district, and let's just say we can't afford to be turning away jobs right now.
My anxiety is a little higher this year because I'm switching from being a bio teacher where I worked in a department of 10 to a department of just me at an independent study high school. What does this mean?!?
The good: I'll only be teaching half days and counseling kids in a credit recovery program the rest of the time. I'll be getting my full salary, but probably working less and I'll have a flexible schedule which will make Dr's appts and maternity leave a little easier. And the curriculum is written aside from labs.
The bad:Everything I know about the job is based on a 5 minute conversation I had with my new principal while I was on the beach at a conference in San Diego and had terrible reception. I'll be at a school where I don't know anyone, and it doesn't sound like I'll be doing more than handing out packets and running labs... No real teaching.
The ugly: I am meeting with my new principal today and I have to tell her 1) I'm knocked up and 2) I'll be missing work for my upcoming wedding.
Ug!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Deciding TTC: Tossing Out The 5-Year Plan
Now that I'm out about my pregnancy, I feel an overwhelming urge to get everything that has happened so far recorded. So, I guess I should start at the beginning, the very beginning. I wish I could say that we came to the conclusion that we should start TTC for a better reason, but in all honesty, we decided to start because I got laid off. I know, seems like a great time to make a baby, right?!?! Not sure why, but it made sense at the time.
Pink slip season was upon us and my school district was broke, so I was expecting to get a pink-slip, but I wasn't at all worried. I'd gotten a pink slip the year before, and basically all it said was that I may get laid off, but really, they didn't think it would actually happen. There were several versions of the pink slip, and I'd gotten the "good pink slip". Yes, thats what they called it. That was what I was expecting this year.
On March 13th, the doorbell rang and a very unenthusiastic postal worker greeted DF. The state requires that all California teachers be notified of any potential layoff for the folllowing year by no later than March 15th, but they traditionally come the Saturday before via certified mail. By 9:30 am, she'd already delivered several, mostly to teachers who had no idea they were coming.
I opened mine, and to my shock, the pinkslip read "WE WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR SERVICES NEXT YEAR." I guessed this was the "bad pink slip".
I panicked. This was beyond bad. California was laying off over 20,000 teachers, and I was one of them. Because of the massive number of laid off teachers in the area, it was highly unlikely that I'd be teaching next year. No one would be hiring. To make matters worse, umeployment was well over 10% in our area, meaning that even looking for a non-teaching position would likely not land me a job either. The worst part was that this was the first job that I actually enjoyed, and I had no idea what it would be like to be anything other than a teacher.
DF, the fantastic man that he is, calmed me down by helping me crunch numbers, and figure out how much I'd make on unemployment. He calculated and explained that we'd be just fine if we started cutting back on some of our expenses.
We'd also been talking about having a baby for a long time. In fact, we were nearing the end of a 5-year-plan that started soon after we started dating. We knew we were serious, and started talking marriage and babies very early on. Me, I would have just said we should get married and start making babies and figure out the rest later, but DF's a planner. According to him, we had a lot to do: getting my teaching credential, securing a job in the area, paying off our massive credit card debt, and getting married.
We were in year 4 of the 5 year plan, which was the engagement/wedding phase. Year 5, the 2010/2011 school year, was working/saving as much as we could while TTC. After completion of the 5-year-plan, I'd be a SAHM for the next year or two, before returning to my job as a teacher.
DF suggested, that since I wouldn't be working, maybe we'd ammend the 5-year-plan and start TTC a little early. It somehow made sense at the time, and I knew I could continue to look for work while TTC, and according to everything I'd been reading and hearing from friends, it takes awhile to actually get pregnant, so the new plan sounded good, but not too scary.
I'd ordered my birth control from Kaiser several days before. In the 10 years that I have been on the pill, and in the countless years that I have been having all my prescriptions mailed to the house, this is the only one that has ever not shown up. No more birth control... maybe it was a sign.
Time to make a baby.
Pink slip season was upon us and my school district was broke, so I was expecting to get a pink-slip, but I wasn't at all worried. I'd gotten a pink slip the year before, and basically all it said was that I may get laid off, but really, they didn't think it would actually happen. There were several versions of the pink slip, and I'd gotten the "good pink slip". Yes, thats what they called it. That was what I was expecting this year.
On March 13th, the doorbell rang and a very unenthusiastic postal worker greeted DF. The state requires that all California teachers be notified of any potential layoff for the folllowing year by no later than March 15th, but they traditionally come the Saturday before via certified mail. By 9:30 am, she'd already delivered several, mostly to teachers who had no idea they were coming.
I opened mine, and to my shock, the pinkslip read "WE WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR SERVICES NEXT YEAR." I guessed this was the "bad pink slip".
I panicked. This was beyond bad. California was laying off over 20,000 teachers, and I was one of them. Because of the massive number of laid off teachers in the area, it was highly unlikely that I'd be teaching next year. No one would be hiring. To make matters worse, umeployment was well over 10% in our area, meaning that even looking for a non-teaching position would likely not land me a job either. The worst part was that this was the first job that I actually enjoyed, and I had no idea what it would be like to be anything other than a teacher.
DF, the fantastic man that he is, calmed me down by helping me crunch numbers, and figure out how much I'd make on unemployment. He calculated and explained that we'd be just fine if we started cutting back on some of our expenses.
We'd also been talking about having a baby for a long time. In fact, we were nearing the end of a 5-year-plan that started soon after we started dating. We knew we were serious, and started talking marriage and babies very early on. Me, I would have just said we should get married and start making babies and figure out the rest later, but DF's a planner. According to him, we had a lot to do: getting my teaching credential, securing a job in the area, paying off our massive credit card debt, and getting married.
We were in year 4 of the 5 year plan, which was the engagement/wedding phase. Year 5, the 2010/2011 school year, was working/saving as much as we could while TTC. After completion of the 5-year-plan, I'd be a SAHM for the next year or two, before returning to my job as a teacher.
DF suggested, that since I wouldn't be working, maybe we'd ammend the 5-year-plan and start TTC a little early. It somehow made sense at the time, and I knew I could continue to look for work while TTC, and according to everything I'd been reading and hearing from friends, it takes awhile to actually get pregnant, so the new plan sounded good, but not too scary.
I'd ordered my birth control from Kaiser several days before. In the 10 years that I have been on the pill, and in the countless years that I have been having all my prescriptions mailed to the house, this is the only one that has ever not shown up. No more birth control... maybe it was a sign.
Time to make a baby.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Our Wedding Invitation
Here is our wedding invitation, sent out via email yesterday evening. Please note, names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent (ie. me). After all, I am a teacher, and no doubt I will say something on this blog that will get me fired if my true identity is revealed. Oh... I feel like batman.
Hi All,
In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.
We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.
1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4
2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.
3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.
The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.
I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.
We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.
Peace out,
Chubby Teacher... oh, and DF
PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?
For some reason, I haven't gotten any response yet, aside from my sister who said she thought it was "The best wedding invitation ever!". Still, maybe I should be a little more serious about things. Nah!
Hi All,
In order to be eco-friendly (and cheap... postage is very expensive now!) I am emailing all of you to let you know that we have set a date for our highly extravagent nuptuals. We will be entering into wedded bliss on Friday, September 3rd at 2:00 pm in the highly acclaimed County Clerks Office.
We tried to schedule it for a convenient time, but ran into a few problems.
1. They are only open Monday-Friday from 8-4
2. We are trying to save sick/vacation time for Carlos (our fetus), so we will be honeymooning at home, and will be taking advantage of the 3 day weekend that follows.
3. There were only 3 remaining slots available on that day. The others were in the morning, and DF has informed me that if he is taking a day off at work, he'd like to work in a round of golf in the morning.
The woman who works in the clerks office has informed us that there is room for 20ish people (to be exact) in the room where the ceremony will be taking place, but if it's a nice day we can go outside so I can go ahead and invite as many people as I want.
I'm hoping you guys will be able to make it, but know that you have jobs and other things going on. We understand if you can't make it, but we are hoping that if you aren't able to join us that you will be able to come to the party we will be having the following day (Saturday the 4th) at my, i mean, our house.
We don't really have any other details worked out for the wedding/party so comments and suggestions are welcome. We were thinking we might be able to find a place big enough for those who are able to come to go out to dinner on Friday night and I'm thinking DF and I may stay at a hotel that night and leave the house for anyone who might like a place to stay and likes sharing their sleeping space with animals.
Peace out,
Chubby Teacher... oh, and DF
PS. Grandpa Trini can come as well, but I know he's struggling with the email. Did I forget anyone else?
For some reason, I haven't gotten any response yet, aside from my sister who said she thought it was "The best wedding invitation ever!". Still, maybe I should be a little more serious about things. Nah!
Monday, July 5, 2010
12 Weeks and Counting
I'm now 12 weeks pregnant... just 28 more, or 195 days to go. Hmmm. Thats a long way to go. I was thinking this week would mark the end of my first trimester, which I have been so looking forward to, but it looks like I won't officially be done until the end of week 13.
I'm ready for the nausea to go away. I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke. So far, still no vomit. Just that terrible feeling.
I'm starting to take belly pictures. I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making. Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs. I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do. And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks. I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it.
I'm ready for the nausea to go away. I was feeling pretty good at the beginning of week 11, but toward the end of the week, I was convinced most of the time that I was going to puke. So far, still no vomit. Just that terrible feeling.
According to TheBump, the baby is now the size of a plum. This plum is just starting to make my already chubby belly pouch a little more. The bloat started early on, but now I'm having more than a little trouble buttoning my pants. It doesn't help that I have always tried to mimic sausage by squeezing into the smaller size when given the choice between 2. Thankfully, my first pair of maternity pants arrived the night before last via UPS. I bought them because they were regularly $29 , on sale for $18.99 at Old Navy. I don't want to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, so I snagged them right away, and it looks like I am going to need them sooner rather than later. And I'll be investing in a Bella Band soon as well.
My growing tummy is starting to get uncomfortable. It feels tight, and I can nolonger sleep on my stomach, which is why I'm working on this post at 5 am on a Sunday. I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in. Luckily, by about 9 pm I've been so wiped out that falling asleep hasn't been a problem. However, its been weeks since I made it a whole night without having to pee. Falling back to sleep has been a major problem.
On a plus side, for now at least, my boobs aren't in constant pain. I have been dreading hugs and avoiding my pouncing pets wishing I could wear armor. DF grabbed them last night, as he is doing more and more as they get bigger and bigger, and I didn't cry out in pain. BTW, why does he act like I'm faking when I tell him they hurt?!?!
I'm starting to take belly pictures. I know, it looks like I'm about 6 months along, but I had most of the squish before we started baby making. Imagine the bottom bump being roughly the size of the bump between the baby and my boobs. I kind of wish I had taken some before pics, or at least earlier along, but this will have to do. And the angle is funny, but this is harder than it looks. I tried to do it using the bathroom mirror, but it's too dirty, and I'm too lazy to clean it.
While we have had some thrilling experiences so far (first and second ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, seeing baby move on the ultrasound), I'm ready to move on. I want to feel the baby move and find out what kind we are having so I cant start buying fun stuff. The waiting is driving me nuts, but there is alot more waiting to come.
One final thought... aside from a few select people, we are not revealing our top baby names. I'm going to name my baby whatever I want, and I have gotten more than enough unsolicited feedback on the names we are thinking about. So I have developed a new standard response. When someone asks what we will name the baby, I simply say, "Carlos".
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Chubby Bride ~ We have a date!
Its official. On September 3rd, DF will be getting an upgrade to DH.
We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.
There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.
Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.
So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:
We both agreed, even before we were engaged, that we wanted to do a very small courthouse wedding and a follow up party at our house for everyone the following day. Neither one of us is much for fuss, especially when its focused on us, and in all honesty, I'd probably die if I had to be in front of a huge group of people at one of the most intimate times in my life. Not to mention, I'm already the crazed hormonal pregnant lady, so there's about a fifty-fifty chance that I'll be sobbing through the entire ceremony. Just sayin', the shorter the better.
There are a few things that I know that we aren't going to be able to do that I'm mildly disappointed about. One, I really wanted super pretty wedding pics to hang on our wall, and I don't really see that happening. Two, there isn't going to be a big poofy dress. I'm not disappointed because I want one, but more that I feel like I should. However, I know that I'll be much happier and feel more like me in a sundress. Three, the bachelorette party is going to be far more low key than I had always imagined because, well, momma can't drink. The baby doesn't like it. Four, I'm going to be much bigger than I pictured I'd be on my wedding day.
Still, I'm more than happy with the decision we made. I really have very little interest in the actual wedding, but I can't wait to be married. DF has always been amazing, but the way he has taken care of me during the early stages of my pregnancy have made me truly appreciate what a good partner I have. I absolutely cannot wait to be his wife.
So now that we have a date, about 8 weeks away, I feel a little frantic about getting everything done. Here's what I think that we still have to do, but I know I'm missing quite a bit:
- Schedule the wedding
- Buy my wedding band
- Buy his wedding band
- Get our marriage license (The great thing about city hall is that we can do that the day of!)
- Sent out evites
- Get something to wear to wedding
- Get something to wear for party
- Plan our post wedding party
- Finish landscaping backyard so it doesn't look like a weed garden at said party
Hmm, I think that might be all, but in all honesty, I have no idea. The list will grow as we get closer, but I have the essentials (ie. me getting two new outfits and a new piece of jewelery)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Baby, Baby, Baby!
I have a little teeny, tiny secret. In fact, yesterday, it was only 5.22 cm. But something so tiny is going to change our lives forever. I am beyond excited, and have been bursting to tell everyone... we're having a baby!
While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.
The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.
Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.
Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.
So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!
While DF has been telling everyone that we are expecting, I have been much more reserved. The biggest reason is that I have been TERRIFIED that something would go wrong. In fact, when I called for our first appointment, and they told me that I would need to wait until I was 8 weeks along, I asked the advice nurse, "Are you sure it will be okay until then?". She replied, "This is your first pregnancy, isn't it?" Damnit, already outted as a nervous new mommy.
At our 8 week appointment they had me take a pregnancy test. Although I'd taken several over a few days myself, it had been a few weeks. What if I wasn't even pregnant? I checked to make sure that the test was positive before the doc came in.
The doctor asked about a million questions before performing the ultrasound. And there, up on the screen, was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen, a little blob with a gigantic head and arm and a huge belly. I sobbed uncontrollably, while the doctor took several measurements, informing me that I was 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant. We were able to listen to the rapid thump, thump, thump of baby's heartbeat, which was an insane 189 bpm. Doc informed us that while a normal range is 100-169 bpm, babies sometimes get a little upset by the vaginal ultrasound, causing their heartrate to spike.
Then we went over all the screening options. What genetic disorders would I like to be tested for? We decided that we would do a first trimester blood screening, an NT ultrasound, and a quad screening and avoid more invasive diagnostic tests unless the results to the screening tests brought bad news.
Yesterday, I had the NT ultrasound. At first the baby was sleeping, but after a little pushing on my belly, baby woke up and started kicking and pounding fists like crazy. The NT was normal, though we need to wait a week for the final results, and we were able to confirm that baby has 2 arms and 2 legs and a normal heartbeat. Later, I had a physical to review lab results. The NP wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, but said it was moving too much to do it with the doppler (I think thats what it was) alone, so I got to do a second ultrasound! Best day ever. We confirmed that I have quite a wiggly worm on my hands.
So, the good news we got yesterday makes me feel more relaxed about being a little more "out" about my pregnancy. Will be posting frantically!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Baby Fever: The Bucket List
So , speaking of baby fever, I recently came across a fantastic blog by the Honey B about the trials of the wanna-be-mommy. In it, she talks about her Baby Bucket List, all of the things she wants to/needs to do before having a baby.
DF and I have our own baby bucket list that we have been working on since we decided that we were serious.
The revised list:
The list seems longer than anything I can accomplish in the next year and a half. To make matters worse, I got a pink slip last month that pretty much guarantees my unemployment next year. So much for savings. I feel like if wait for everything to get done, we just aren't going to do it. And if I have to take time off anyway, maybe its the perfect time to start a family. I'm all for Justice-of-the-Peace-ing it and making a baby right away.
Not so fast.... back to that terrible book. What to Expect says its takes the average couple 6 months to get pregnant. That means if we started now, and it took us 6 months, we'd have the baby around June, right when I'd have to seriously start looking at jobs for the following year. While I think it would leave a definite impression if my water broke right in the middle of the interview, that's probably not the best way to play it.
I guess everyone is just going to have to wait and see what we decided to do, me and DF included, because right now I have no idea.
DF and I have our own baby bucket list that we have been working on since we decided that we were serious.
- Pay off our credit card debt
- Get engaged (before 2010)
- Save as much money as we possibly can
- Get married (summer 2011)
- Make a baby (fall 2011)
The revised list:
- Get married
- Get down to goal weight for 6 weeks
- Get my teeth fixed (I've got some major gum issues going on)
- Save for and buy a 4-door car for me
- Get a life insurance policy for DF (I don't make any money, I'm a teacher)
- Quit drinking 10-tons of diet pepsi and the more than occasional bottle of wine
- Save a lot more than I was thinking we'd need dependent on how much time I have to/ want to take off of work
- Go on one more fabulous vacation
The list seems longer than anything I can accomplish in the next year and a half. To make matters worse, I got a pink slip last month that pretty much guarantees my unemployment next year. So much for savings. I feel like if wait for everything to get done, we just aren't going to do it. And if I have to take time off anyway, maybe its the perfect time to start a family. I'm all for Justice-of-the-Peace-ing it and making a baby right away.
Not so fast.... back to that terrible book. What to Expect says its takes the average couple 6 months to get pregnant. That means if we started now, and it took us 6 months, we'd have the baby around June, right when I'd have to seriously start looking at jobs for the following year. While I think it would leave a definite impression if my water broke right in the middle of the interview, that's probably not the best way to play it.
I guess everyone is just going to have to wait and see what we decided to do, me and DF included, because right now I have no idea.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Baby Fever.... Damn you face book!
Dear Facebook,
When we first met, you were a good friend of mine. We spent a lot of time (maybe too much!) together. You helped me stay connected to people I didn't get to see very often, and gave me plenty of juicy gossip.
But then, something bad started happening. All of the people you were connecting me to were starting to get engaged, married, and worst of all, having babies. Now, I don't know if you've made some kind of law, but everyone having a baby posts all kinds of pictures: preggo pics, ultrasounds, and baby showers filled with little teeny tiny shoes, and yellow ducks.
A couple of months later, baby pictures start to appear. At first, they aren't much to look at. In fact, they kind of look like gigantic raisins, with their weird little scrunched up faces and pointy heads. But gradually over time, they start developing into these crawling, then walking little beauties. And they are always doing something adorable. They never post a picture of a poopy diaper or a screaming fit in the middle of a restaurant.
Facebook, today, another friend from high school posted an ultra sound pic, and frankly, I'm fed up. I just don't think its fair that you play with my emotions like this. Seeing all of this cute and cuddly crap is giving me some serious pangs of mommy envy, and YOU are responsible. I just don't understand why you do this to me. All I can do is picture myself next to a chubby, round faced smiling little mini me. I can't picture poop, or sleepless nights, or the insane amount of money they cost, and I just don't think that is very socially responsible of you.
Here is my plea... please take down those pictures, and NEVER ever let anyone else post them... or any kind of baby related announcement for that matter. This would be greatly appreciated, and I promise, I'll cut down on my puppy pictures if make this happen.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Chubby Teacher's Aching Womb
When we first met, you were a good friend of mine. We spent a lot of time (maybe too much!) together. You helped me stay connected to people I didn't get to see very often, and gave me plenty of juicy gossip.
But then, something bad started happening. All of the people you were connecting me to were starting to get engaged, married, and worst of all, having babies. Now, I don't know if you've made some kind of law, but everyone having a baby posts all kinds of pictures: preggo pics, ultrasounds, and baby showers filled with little teeny tiny shoes, and yellow ducks.
A couple of months later, baby pictures start to appear. At first, they aren't much to look at. In fact, they kind of look like gigantic raisins, with their weird little scrunched up faces and pointy heads. But gradually over time, they start developing into these crawling, then walking little beauties. And they are always doing something adorable. They never post a picture of a poopy diaper or a screaming fit in the middle of a restaurant.
Facebook, today, another friend from high school posted an ultra sound pic, and frankly, I'm fed up. I just don't think its fair that you play with my emotions like this. Seeing all of this cute and cuddly crap is giving me some serious pangs of mommy envy, and YOU are responsible. I just don't understand why you do this to me. All I can do is picture myself next to a chubby, round faced smiling little mini me. I can't picture poop, or sleepless nights, or the insane amount of money they cost, and I just don't think that is very socially responsible of you.
Here is my plea... please take down those pictures, and NEVER ever let anyone else post them... or any kind of baby related announcement for that matter. This would be greatly appreciated, and I promise, I'll cut down on my puppy pictures if make this happen.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Chubby Teacher's Aching Womb
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Confessions of a Far-From-Yogi
Yesterday, I let my membership at my high priced gym expire and signed up for a 30-day membership at my local community rec center, saving my soon-to-be-unemployed self a whopping $67 a month. The rec center only opened a year ago, so the facility and equipment are new, and they have an Olympic size pool, an absolute must for those swiftly approaching 100+ degree Sacramento summer days. It's also exactly 2 miles from my house and offers a 6:30 pm yoga class. I can do that.
Confession #1: I am a closet snob/judger. Not that I have anything to be snobby/judgy about. I'm not exactly Ms. Superfit. I think its a classic case of thinking nasty things about other people so that I can feel better about myself. So I, Snobby McJudgerson, convinced myself that I'd be able to easily handle the modest rec center yoga routine, since I've gotten pretty good at the yoga class at my former fancier gym.
Nope.
During the class, I came to realize that there are two different types of yoga instructors. #1 concentrates on flowing movements and quickly establishes an easily predictable routine, allowing their students to think less and breathe more. #2 is determined to prove that yoga can provide a kick ass workout, and will make you hold that pose long after you've started shaking,and adds insane balancing poses, just to add a little spice. My old yoga class was instructed by the former, new class, the latter. Fan-friggin-tastic.
Confession #2: I'm very competitive, but I usually only compete when the person I'm competing with doesn't know its a competition. Like, when I'm swimming laps. I'm constantly looking over at the lane next to me racing and/or trying to last longer in the pool than them. That's mildly crazy, but I don't think it's something that other people haven't done before.
What is beyond nutzoid is that I am also competitive at yoga. I try to hold my poses longer, go deeper, breath better than someone else. WTH?!?! I am well aware that this totally negates one of the most important aspects of yoga, obtaining a meditative and peaceful mind, but I can't help it. And, Attila the Yoga instructor, was only making matters worse by making us hold these poses I'd never done before. How is that supposed to help me win?!?! Come on lady, get with the program.
Between all of my looney mental issues, and the fact that I also had work drama on my mind, I wasn't very relaxed when we ended the class in corpse pose. In fact, I felt more tense than when I started.
Um, maybe its time to spend a little more time relaxing. Goal for next yoga class: Breathe.
Namaste.
Confession #1: I am a closet snob/judger. Not that I have anything to be snobby/judgy about. I'm not exactly Ms. Superfit. I think its a classic case of thinking nasty things about other people so that I can feel better about myself. So I, Snobby McJudgerson, convinced myself that I'd be able to easily handle the modest rec center yoga routine, since I've gotten pretty good at the yoga class at my former fancier gym.
Nope.
During the class, I came to realize that there are two different types of yoga instructors. #1 concentrates on flowing movements and quickly establishes an easily predictable routine, allowing their students to think less and breathe more. #2 is determined to prove that yoga can provide a kick ass workout, and will make you hold that pose long after you've started shaking,and adds insane balancing poses, just to add a little spice. My old yoga class was instructed by the former, new class, the latter. Fan-friggin-tastic.
Confession #2: I'm very competitive, but I usually only compete when the person I'm competing with doesn't know its a competition. Like, when I'm swimming laps. I'm constantly looking over at the lane next to me racing and/or trying to last longer in the pool than them. That's mildly crazy, but I don't think it's something that other people haven't done before.
What is beyond nutzoid is that I am also competitive at yoga. I try to hold my poses longer, go deeper, breath better than someone else. WTH?!?! I am well aware that this totally negates one of the most important aspects of yoga, obtaining a meditative and peaceful mind, but I can't help it. And, Attila the Yoga instructor, was only making matters worse by making us hold these poses I'd never done before. How is that supposed to help me win?!?! Come on lady, get with the program.
Between all of my looney mental issues, and the fact that I also had work drama on my mind, I wasn't very relaxed when we ended the class in corpse pose. In fact, I felt more tense than when I started.
Um, maybe its time to spend a little more time relaxing. Goal for next yoga class: Breathe.
Namaste.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Spring Break Is Done ... Back to the Grind
I haven't blogged in forever, mostly because life has been super chaotic. To start with, about a month ago we got a fantastic puppy, Daisy. The plan had been to wait until summer to get a dog. We thought it would be perfect if we spent the first week of summer on vacation, and then got a puppy when we came back and I could devote the entire rest of the summer to training and loving the puppy. The only thing we hadn't decided on was the breed. We were torn between a Brittany and a Lab/Golden Retriever.
Apparently, Mark's puppy fever was worse than I'd realized because one day Mark asked me to help him get dinner out of the car, and there was a puppy in the back seat. She was an adorable Lab/Siberian Husky mix. While I was thrilled, it was unexpected and frankly, we weren't prepared. Daisy has taken over our life, mostly in a good way, but puppies are a lot of work. We managed to make it through the next two weeks until my spring break started to give me the extra time I needed to devote to puppy-motherhood.
Work was more insane than usual. Not only were we two weeks from the end of the quarter, but the March 15th pink slip deadline was looming. Our school was temporarily on the list of lowest performing schools in California and rumors took over. On the last Friday before vacation, me and several other teachers received emails that we would be getting pinks slips via certified mail the next day. I wasn't too worried, because in our district, there are several different versions of the pink slip, including the one that I got last year which said that there was a low likelihood that I'd actually be laid off, but that it was a precautionary measure.
Well, not this year. I started my spring break with a notice that my "services will not be needed next year." Yikes! Unfortunately, with 22,000 other teachers in California also getting that same letter, its highly unlikely that I'll be able to find another teaching job next year. This is devastating to say the least.
I spent my two-week long summer break working out, playing with Daisy and trying not to spend too much, and made the best out of a bad situation. But, Monday, I have to go back. I have 10 more weeks of doing a job that I know I have already lost, and I have to say my motivation level is lower than low. I should be spending the next few days prepping for next week, but I just don't care.
I'm trying to focus on the positive: no more hour long commute, no more grueling hours. But teaching is what I love to do. I just can't imagine doing anything else.
Apparently, Mark's puppy fever was worse than I'd realized because one day Mark asked me to help him get dinner out of the car, and there was a puppy in the back seat. She was an adorable Lab/Siberian Husky mix. While I was thrilled, it was unexpected and frankly, we weren't prepared. Daisy has taken over our life, mostly in a good way, but puppies are a lot of work. We managed to make it through the next two weeks until my spring break started to give me the extra time I needed to devote to puppy-motherhood.
Work was more insane than usual. Not only were we two weeks from the end of the quarter, but the March 15th pink slip deadline was looming. Our school was temporarily on the list of lowest performing schools in California and rumors took over. On the last Friday before vacation, me and several other teachers received emails that we would be getting pinks slips via certified mail the next day. I wasn't too worried, because in our district, there are several different versions of the pink slip, including the one that I got last year which said that there was a low likelihood that I'd actually be laid off, but that it was a precautionary measure.
Well, not this year. I started my spring break with a notice that my "services will not be needed next year." Yikes! Unfortunately, with 22,000 other teachers in California also getting that same letter, its highly unlikely that I'll be able to find another teaching job next year. This is devastating to say the least.
I spent my two-week long summer break working out, playing with Daisy and trying not to spend too much, and made the best out of a bad situation. But, Monday, I have to go back. I have 10 more weeks of doing a job that I know I have already lost, and I have to say my motivation level is lower than low. I should be spending the next few days prepping for next week, but I just don't care.
I'm trying to focus on the positive: no more hour long commute, no more grueling hours. But teaching is what I love to do. I just can't imagine doing anything else.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
The Trouble with Teaching: What are Sick Days?
Monday was my first day back at work after a two week break, and I returned to an entirely new crop of students. In the teaching profession your first week with a new batch is a carefully structured dance. One misstep could lead to a potentially disastrous term.
I spent the last three days of my break carefully planning each step, which, as with most things, is a completely futile task. Unpredictability is the only thing that I can count on with any certainty at work. Of course, Tuesday night, after an ass-kicking strength training workout, I noticed I was starting to loose my voice. By about 2 am Wednesday morning, my throat hurt so bad that I couldn't sleep. After 6 hours in bed, only about 3 of it spent sleeping, I was off to work again with my new, scratchy voice.
Now, I think that there are sneaky little elves that hide in classroom closets and spy on teachers and push them almost to their breaking point, but never quite over. At my school we are on a block schedule. There are only 4 90-minute periods in a day, and one of them is our prep. Luckily, it seems that, so far at least, two of the classes I am teaching this semester are completely angelic. Their effort level and work quality has been high, and there are absolutely no behavior problems to speak of. For two of my classes.
But the third class, my second period, will definitely make me rethink the teaching profession before the end of the semester. How do I know, because in my short tenure as a teacher, I have come to realize that there is always at least one class that makes sure that you don't become too confident in your abilities as an educator. There has to be one class that keeps you feeling like you have absolutely no idea what the fuck you are doing. Why? Because teaching is like an abusive spouse, beating the shit out of you one minute and then giving you the teeniest tiniest glimmer of hope every once in awhile so that you will never leave.
I think my 2nd period class might ultimately lead to my demise. Right now I have a very reasonable 30 students enrolled, but 22 are boys. If you have ever been in a room for 90 minutes with a group of 22 boys, you know what a constant struggle it is to get them just to stay in a seat, let alone go the entire time without yelling out an off-color remark about another student's mom. Today one of them, B, brought a little plastic figurine of the 3-eyed alien from toy story and insisted it was his brother. No joke. 90 minutes of the little alien watching me. Why didn't I take it away, you ask. Because, having his "brother" on his desk led to completion of more work today than I've seen all week. You have to choose your battles. Also, 5 of the 30 students are classified as having special needs. No, B, isn't one of them. I checked twice.
I study these kids at length, make countless calls home, referrals to counselors and administrators, threaten, bribe and use every tool in my weaponry to get them to learn something. A sub has very few weapons in their arsenal, and I assure you, they would be no match for this, my testosterone-laden 2nd period class. The last time I had a class like this and left them with a sub, despite some serious threatening and bribing on my part, I still got a report that several students tried to climb the shelving units in the back of my classroom. And I have a name for subs who don't leave those kinds of reports: LIARS!
So, though I should have spent the rest of the week in bed, I dragged my sorry butt to work, and taught the rest of the week without much of a voice. Blech. I guess you can figure out that my weigh loss journey took a back seat this week. I missed weigh-in, but did manage to work out 4 days. I'll be spending the weekend in bed, trying not to die.
I spent the last three days of my break carefully planning each step, which, as with most things, is a completely futile task. Unpredictability is the only thing that I can count on with any certainty at work. Of course, Tuesday night, after an ass-kicking strength training workout, I noticed I was starting to loose my voice. By about 2 am Wednesday morning, my throat hurt so bad that I couldn't sleep. After 6 hours in bed, only about 3 of it spent sleeping, I was off to work again with my new, scratchy voice.
Now, I think that there are sneaky little elves that hide in classroom closets and spy on teachers and push them almost to their breaking point, but never quite over. At my school we are on a block schedule. There are only 4 90-minute periods in a day, and one of them is our prep. Luckily, it seems that, so far at least, two of the classes I am teaching this semester are completely angelic. Their effort level and work quality has been high, and there are absolutely no behavior problems to speak of. For two of my classes.
But the third class, my second period, will definitely make me rethink the teaching profession before the end of the semester. How do I know, because in my short tenure as a teacher, I have come to realize that there is always at least one class that makes sure that you don't become too confident in your abilities as an educator. There has to be one class that keeps you feeling like you have absolutely no idea what the fuck you are doing. Why? Because teaching is like an abusive spouse, beating the shit out of you one minute and then giving you the teeniest tiniest glimmer of hope every once in awhile so that you will never leave.
I think my 2nd period class might ultimately lead to my demise. Right now I have a very reasonable 30 students enrolled, but 22 are boys. If you have ever been in a room for 90 minutes with a group of 22 boys, you know what a constant struggle it is to get them just to stay in a seat, let alone go the entire time without yelling out an off-color remark about another student's mom. Today one of them, B, brought a little plastic figurine of the 3-eyed alien from toy story and insisted it was his brother. No joke. 90 minutes of the little alien watching me. Why didn't I take it away, you ask. Because, having his "brother" on his desk led to completion of more work today than I've seen all week. You have to choose your battles. Also, 5 of the 30 students are classified as having special needs. No, B, isn't one of them. I checked twice.
I study these kids at length, make countless calls home, referrals to counselors and administrators, threaten, bribe and use every tool in my weaponry to get them to learn something. A sub has very few weapons in their arsenal, and I assure you, they would be no match for this, my testosterone-laden 2nd period class. The last time I had a class like this and left them with a sub, despite some serious threatening and bribing on my part, I still got a report that several students tried to climb the shelving units in the back of my classroom. And I have a name for subs who don't leave those kinds of reports: LIARS!
So, though I should have spent the rest of the week in bed, I dragged my sorry butt to work, and taught the rest of the week without much of a voice. Blech. I guess you can figure out that my weigh loss journey took a back seat this week. I missed weigh-in, but did manage to work out 4 days. I'll be spending the weekend in bed, trying not to die.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
I'm not one for New Years Resolutions, because I know from experience that they rarely hang around to see February. But a new year does present new opportunities, and a break from the endless festivities of the late fall and early winter.
2009 was rough. The economy tanked, leading to a mass exodus of people from the Central Valley where I live/teach. The roller coaster that was 2009 started early on, with all district-wide budgets secretly frozen while we were gone for winter break. When we returned, word of the freeze sent everyone into a panic, and the district announced that we should all start preparing for the worst. As a 2nd year teacher, I of course got my first ever pink-slip just before the dreaded March 15th deadline. On May 15th, I was told that I'd still have a job, but the district was bumping me to another school. In July, right before returning to work, I was brought back to my school for my third year of teaching. As soon as we returned, they announced that the cuts would likely be worse this year. Its no wonder that 50% of new teachers leave the profession in the first 5 years. Learning from the chaos of last year, I'm choosing to ignore it until I definitely have no job, but I've got an up-to-date resume and letters of reference just in case.
2009 did bring some fantastic things. Both of my sisters got married to men that I absolutely adore. A couple of weeks ago, DBF of 4 years became DF during a trip to Napa. I have also accomplished quite a bit, including:
I weighed in today, slightly hungover at 169.0, and ready to get this weight loss journey back on track.
2009 was rough. The economy tanked, leading to a mass exodus of people from the Central Valley where I live/teach. The roller coaster that was 2009 started early on, with all district-wide budgets secretly frozen while we were gone for winter break. When we returned, word of the freeze sent everyone into a panic, and the district announced that we should all start preparing for the worst. As a 2nd year teacher, I of course got my first ever pink-slip just before the dreaded March 15th deadline. On May 15th, I was told that I'd still have a job, but the district was bumping me to another school. In July, right before returning to work, I was brought back to my school for my third year of teaching. As soon as we returned, they announced that the cuts would likely be worse this year. Its no wonder that 50% of new teachers leave the profession in the first 5 years. Learning from the chaos of last year, I'm choosing to ignore it until I definitely have no job, but I've got an up-to-date resume and letters of reference just in case.
2009 did bring some fantastic things. Both of my sisters got married to men that I absolutely adore. A couple of weeks ago, DBF of 4 years became DF during a trip to Napa. I have also accomplished quite a bit, including:
- maintaining my weight (between 165-170) for the first time in my adult life. Sure this is far from goal, but no yo-yoing.
- I didn't get a single overdraft charge for an entire year. Holy shitake, I think that makes me nearly a responsible, financially sound adult.
- I paid off all of my credit card debt.
- I finished my teaching credential program and upped my status from intern to full-fledged teacher, which essentially just means I get paid like a real person.
- I did a half marathon, and only wanted to die for the last 4 miles, and only got beat by one lady with no legs.
I weighed in today, slightly hungover at 169.0, and ready to get this weight loss journey back on track.
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